What's Wrong With a Little Swagger....

Now I'm not an advocate of people who walk around and think they're for lack of a better term, "unfuckwittable". You know the cats you see in the place to be who swear they're "that dude", but don't have any real reason to have those thoughts. Or the females who act seditty to every guy who approaches them on the dancefloor, when they're grinding off rhythm to every song....

"Girl I'm trying to help YOU out"....

I am a firm believer in keeping it all the way real though, because alot of people these days are suspect. If your bills are late every month because you want to buy the bar everytime you and your boys go out, that's not swagger that's stupid. How dope are you when you're sitting in your crib with candles lit? When you're asking your girl....

"Let me hold something till the 1st?"....

Now don't get me wrong swagger is necessary these days, especially with all these hate birds flying around. But you have to use it in moderation, otherwise you kill the whole scene. And swagger comes in many different substances. It's not just walking around all day like you're the illest to ever walk the Earth. You have to find your personal swagger and mold it to fit you. Don't be the outspoken life of the party type if your really the laid back let everything come to you type. And ladies, confidence and swagger is attractive when used properly. like my man Phonte said,

"She's not conceited she just act stuck up, to weed out the fuck ups"--("Delusional")

Which means don't shut em all down but keep your standards. And me personally I can't stand women with low self-esteem.

Sidebar to my dudes: Why is it the dopest girls are always the one's with low self-steem, and the mudd ducks are always the one with they head in the clouds?. Like,

"That's a dope fit ma, but NOT ON YOU"....

When my wife's on my arm, (3 Weeks and counting) she has that attitude that she knows she's killing em. (Reference 'Get Enough' on my Myspace)

"Walk is mean so fluid in jeans, you are the movement i'm foolish when choosing to speak"....

But, she also knows she doesn't need to say a word about it. That my friends is swagger.

The moral of the story is, there's absolutely nothing wrong with having swagger. I have it, you should have it, and everybody you run with should have it. But, at the same time BE YOURSELF (shout to M.Port'd Flows. Pittsburgh stand Up!). And if you don't have swagger right now, that's cool too. For some people it takes time to develop, and some times life tries to take it away from you. HOLD TIGHT TO YOUR SWAGGER.

Love. Live. Life.

You're Not A Thug: An Observation

keep it real homie i dont need to pull the card,

this city is too small for you to swear you run the block,

and i know you well at least who you used to be,

you were always a square type now you movin b,

why you at the spot w/ a stance,

you hard bc that Jeezy they playing has your posture amped,

funny bc i know you've never even been ina fight,

and altho you carry one you've never pulled your gun to ignite,

i dont understand why you would choose it,

might as well put blanks in the clip if you ain't gonna shoot it,

got goons around so you feel large in the faction,

if it's about eating then you must be starved for the action,

easy to depart from the math kid,

i'ma hit your house and tell your mom how you're acting,

you see i've grown older so i'm calm with the passion,

but i'm laughing when i hear all this gun play while y'all are not blastin....


I hate psuedo thugs, i'm sorry I can't stand them. I'm not at all saying it's wrong to be a 'thug', just saying if you're not properly equipped to be one leave it for those who are. I love seeing people I grew up with this altered persona about them. It's okay to be yourself these days, isn't it? Everybody wants to be the hardest goon on the block, or sell the most weed or hold the most weight, and flex as if they're going to take on the world everytime they have an altercation. That's cool if that's who you really are, but when you're not that's when you get your card pulled.

If you played on a soccer team with me, and your mom used to bring us orange halves for halftime and I see you ice grilling everyone in the spot, i'm going to laugh at you....

If you went to private school your entire life, and your parents are independently wealthy why are you trying to hang out on the bad side of town, buy a gold grill, and act like you're going to be the biggest pusher in your city? That's not who you are....

And lastly, if you switch sets every other week, befriend people who are supposed to be your sworn enemies, or put everything you claim you're going to do on your set but you never do it. That is not 'Gangster', and it definitely doesn't make you a thug.

Work Is For Jerks

Got back to work today, pretty weird to try to get back into the swing of things in the middle of the week. I like most people dislike my job, i don't hate it but i seem to tolerate it's existence every day for 8 hours. I'ma pretty positive person most of the time, but my job has been sucking the life out of me lately. I can't really tell if it's because i'm letting it, or if it's because i'm finally realizing how much time i'm wasting being there. There's already not enough time in the day, i'd rather not wither my existence away standing around. I catch myself often standing on the sales floor waiting for customers to come up to me with one of the same three questions they always have. And in those moments i think to myself, "Man I wish i was recording right now" or "I could be out just sitting on my front porch enjoying the weather and be having more fun than this."

"No, I'm sorry we do carry the WII, but we don't have it right now."

"Yes none of the 4,000 DVD's you own will play on a Blu-Ray Player, your entire collection is useless if you buy one."

"Yes, i'm sure they have it at Nebraska Furniture Mart."

That's pretty much a breakdown of my week, only repeat that segment about 100 times, every day. I guess I shouldn't complain much I do have a cushy job that allows me to get paid for doing absolutely nothing most days. I just need something to break the monotony sometimes.

I think that i'm addicted to smoking Black and Mild's. I've been smoking them on and off since i was about 17, and for whatever reason these last couple months i've been relying on them for some form of comfort. I think it's completely psychological, but i had a headache today of the pounding throbbing variety. Went out on my lunch break, smoked a Black, presto the headache was gone. Went to play basketball the other day, and after the first game i felt like i had just smoked an entire carton of cigarettes. It wasn't a good look at all. i'm only 25, and i feel really out of shape, and i mean really. it's been 4 years since my college football days, and although i've been active in spurts i definitely haven't been recently and boy is it catching up to me. i think i need to rededicate myself to some weekly workouts again before i slip away. Bc i'm not getting any younger, trust me.

So this week there's entirely too much going on in the local scene for me to be able to handle. My man Hozey-T (www.myspace.com/hozeywho) has his birthday bash tomorrow night at Club Rain. I know it's gonna be extra extra cramped in there, if you've ever been to that spot you know what i mean. Then, Friday my homeys Reach, Approach, Deep Thinkers, and i think the Bluez Brothaz are rocking The Brick. It's always a pleasure to see polished emcees on stage doing their thing. Shout out to Approach for just coming off tour w/ Mac Lethal. In between all of that i still desperately need to get into the studio to finish my mixtape finally. I vowed that i would chill for this month barring gas prices, but they're not making it easy on me at all. We'll see how strongly temptation yields its' hold on me.

I Sleep In On My Days Off....

Today was the last of my days off, after working 7 boring days ina row I think I earned them. Life is turning in a different direction for me, and it's turning quickly. My wife, who is deployed in Iraq, should be back in the states in a little less than 4 weeks. I haven't seen her except in pictures since Oct. 21st. It's been a long period of time being away from her. Luckily, the move back to the Midwest brought me closer to my family. Mainly my dudes are the one's who really helped to keep me both distracted and focused. If I didn't have them and this music to carry me through these last 7 months I don't know what I would have done. Needless to say I appreciate everyone who has kept me afloat. It's a weird transition I'm headed into though. Going from being completely independant and self-sufficient to having someone to share everything with, including all of my time, is going to be weird there's no way around it. These last 2 years though I think I officially have seen it all, so I'm more than ready for the challenge....

Life kind of took me full circle this past week though. One of my best friends came back into town to visit his family. His son (which i didn't even know he had) and my son ended up getting to play together. So crazy to imagine that once many years ago we talked about being friends long enough to have our kids running around together, and as it turned out it came to be. I learned that another one of our bestfriends growing up turned into a war hero. I had been out of contact with him for about 3 years, and I knew that he had been deployed numerous times (turned out to be 4). But, I learned that while serving our wonderful country he earned 2 Purple Hearts and a Bronze Star for Valor. It didn't really surprise me in the end, he was always the bravest of all of us growing up. He always tackled the biggest kid when we took on all comers in sandlot football, and he always hit the biggest kid in the mouth first when we fought off psuedo bullies from other neighborhoods. Next time I have a drink I'll be sure to toast to Jeremiah, for who he always was and not just who he is now....

So the music has hit a slight lull for me personally. Those that know me know that I always have a lot of projects shuffling around. And until recently I was balancing all of them well. But, now it's starting to feel like I'm running out of time to record. It's hard to finesse everyone's schedules together in order to get into the studio, and then on top of that every trip to the studio equals a trip down the freeway for me. Which inevitably means that even sessions I get at the love rate end up costing me. If you can ever have too many joints to record, I believe as I look at my backpack jammed with rhymebooks, that I've reached that point. Playing catch up when you have 100+ tracks written and ready to be recorded is darn near impossible. My goal for the year is still to surpass the amount of tracks that I recorded last year (upwards of 150). I can't complain too much though, I have gigged nearly 3 times as much in the last 7 months then I did all of last year. And my crew, (www.myspace.com/soulproviderscrew), is pretty much the talk of Kansas City right now. I guess I'll never be completely satisfied with my progress in the end. Although I'm confident that bigger and better things still lie ahead of me....